there's paper in my vomit.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
