I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
