Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
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Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
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I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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