It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
