I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
