I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
