I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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