Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
