You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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