morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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