sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
