overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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