so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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