okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
