Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i believe in u and ur pee
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
