We're like a lot better than the average bears
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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