It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
