Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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