We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
