Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
