I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
