is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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