My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
