Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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