what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I understand Curling. That high.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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