i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
