You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
