I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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