you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
