I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
