The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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