I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
