She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
