he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
