this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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