I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She announced her abortion via fbk
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
