i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
