i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize