Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize