dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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