yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
