Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think your dad took our porno
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
