i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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