You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
