We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
