Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
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