I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
