just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
