I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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