does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
