Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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