doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We left the knife in your bed.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
