You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
should my penis look like a turkey
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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