my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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