this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
