I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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