I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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