I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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