He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
should my penis look like a turkey
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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