I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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