My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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