Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
