i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
