Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
