Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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