come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Randomize
