Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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