Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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