they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
