is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
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Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
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My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
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