Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
