I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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