i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
