Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize