The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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