So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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