Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
