Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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