Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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