Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
