His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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