i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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