Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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