I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
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