Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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