i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
